The Big Secret

By | February 1, 2012

Here a secret to share with you now, so just come a little bit closer.

It’s a big secret and I’m going to have to ask you to not tell anyone though, please. I know I can trust you on this.

The thing is, if you did tell anyone, particularly a therapist you might shatter their ego and perhaps they are not as ready as you are to be let in on this little secret.

I do a lot of work one to one with people, and after a session, or some times later, they will say to me, “I can’t believe you made me do …” or “I can’t believe you made me change …”

And this is in spite of me telling them before a session, “I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, you are the one that does all the work here.”

In fact, it’s not just in therapy session, but it’s in life you hear people say, “You made me …”

You must have heard people saying it, “You made me drop that” “You made me lose that” “You made me feel that.” I know I have. In fact, I know I have even said things like this, I probably still do on occasion!

See, as a therapist, I don’t actually make you do anything. I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. If I could then I’d be retired by now as the most famous therapist on the planet!

I just act as a guide; a facilitator if you like, helping to get you to your chosen destination.

When you go on a car journey somewhere unfamiliar you take a map book right? (And yes, for our more modern and technically astute readers you may be using Satellite Navigation, but some of us still use maps, so just substitute Sat Nav for map here.:) )

Does the map book get you there?

No. It does not.

You use the map book and it guides you there. It tells you the route to take, but you actually get yourself there.

You could ditch the map and just go by gut instinct, but it’ll probably take you much longer to get there, if you got there at all. And who knows where you would end up on route!

This is how it works with therapy sessions.

The therapist is the map, and you are the driver.

As a therapist, I use my skills, my knowledge and my experience to guide you safely through the quagmire to your chosen destination. You could make the journey yourself, and some people do, but it can take longer and be a much more treacherous route.

Of course, this doesn’t just apply to therapists though; it can apply to any area of your life. You can use the knowledge and experience of experts to get you to your goal quicker.

If you take up a new hobby or sport, you don’t tend to sit in a corner and try to work it all out yourself. You will normally go for lessons or at the very least get a book by an expert. When you start a new job, you are generally taught by an “expert”; someone who already knows the ropes.

In effect, you model the expert, learn how they do it and then do the same. Kids do it all the time. It’s how they learn. Ever noticed how your kids always pick up those annoying habits from you; the ones you really didn’t want them to have?

For modelling to be truly effective, instead of just copying what a person is doing, you must learn what is going on in their heads and copy that too. You need to understand their mental processes in order to effectively model their results.

If you are learning to break a wooden plank with your bare hands, it’s no good thinking about your shopping list whilst going through the motions. You have to copy the mental processes and then you will shatter the wood.

Whatever your goals in life, use a “map book” to help you get there. Model an expert and your journey will be much easier and safer.

 

Starting an Online Business – Affiliate Programs Make it Easy

By | December 5, 2011

If you have been longing to start a business online you may be coming across terms you’ve never heard before. You may also have found the opportunities available are overwhelming. Where do you begin?
AFFILIATE PROGRAMS – EASY START

Affiliate programs may be the easiest online business to start running. Why?

With any online business you must have a product or service to sell. First you must create this product or service and then you must be able to fill orders.

Selling your own product or service also means creating a website, learning how to write ad copy, setting up a marketing plan, being able to accept payments online and obviously doing the work. If you’re selling a physical product then you will need to make or buy the item, package it and pay for shipping costs. If you provide a service than you will likely have to start by doing free jobs to build your credibility and then when you are charging for your service you are still limited by how much work you can actually handle.

THE MAGIC OF AFFILIATE PROGRAMS

Affiliate programs are a great way to get started in an online business. In fact there are even some ‘Super Affiliates’ who are making fabulous incomes from affiliate programs. So, what ARE affiliate programs?

Affiliate programs allow you to sell another company’s service or product and make a commission on every sale or lead. You do not even need to build a website or handle the transaction. Your job is to drive traffic (customers) to your affiliate link.

An affiliate link is a special URL code that will identify customers coming to the company’s site from your advertising. It will likely be the website address with a code attached to the end.

Some affiliate programs also have tiers. That means if someone who is interested in SELLING the product comes through your link and signs up you will also get a small percentage of THEIR earnings.

HOW DO I CHOOSE A PROGRAM?

You should research the popularity of some of your interests. Try to determine if people are buying that product or service online. There are many sources for finding that information including free ones such as the Overture keyword tool.

When you have found an area that is popular then type the subject along with ‘affiliate program’ into your search engine and see which programs have services or products for that area. You can also use an affiliate program directory.

When you have found a program that looks interesting you should read the terms of the program. Make sure that payouts are not based on a high commission earning or you may never see your money. Also try to choose programs with high commission rates. Often you will find ebooks and downloadable software has the highest rates as there is no physical product to make or ship. If you are satisfied with the terms then you need to sign up – usually a simple process.

START MARKETING

The reason affiliate programs are so great for beginners is that you only need to focus on marketing – not making – your product.

Many affiliate programs have information on how to market and give you tools such as banners, product feeds and more. You can also look for other information on marketing including writing articles, creating pay-per-click campaigns, commenting in online forums etc. As you gain experience marketing you will make adjustments to your selling and start creating a wonderful income!

Found The Eye Of The Storm

By | December 2, 2011

Do you remember a time when everything appeared to overwhelm you? Things were way too much for you and you just couldn’t cope.

What did you do? Were you calm and collecting or wildly flailing around?

When attended a life savers class, one thing that was impressed upon was that if you are rescuing a drowning man then they have to be calm. If they are flailing around and panicking then attempting a rescue will not only endanger them, but you too.

It occurred recently that it’s not just drowning people who flail around. When you are dealing with major issues in your life you have a tendency to flail around wildly too.

Trouble is, as you are doing this, you are slapping away the hands that are trying to help you.

When you are in the midst of a crises, of any sort, take deep breaths from your stomach and stop. Stop worrying, stop panicking, stop trying to work out a solution and just be for a while.

From this vantage point in the eye of the storm, you will be able see the helping hands around you. You’ll be able to see the people who want to help and are trying to help who you’ve been pushing away. You’ll be able to see new ideas and opportunities that can help you out of it.

If someone you know is in this unresourceful state of panic, then, just as in the movies, you need to give them a slap to break their state so they can be more resourceful. This is usually, by the way, a metaphorical slap not a physical one. This could be through words, actions or showing them something. Do something outrageous and shocking that brings them to their senses.

I have one particular friend who recently entered this state. When he did, he pushed everyone away who was trying to help.

I chose to give him a slap. I went to see him and told him the truth, unencumbered by niceties. I told him things exactly as they were, exactly how he was behaving.

Oddly enough he stopped in his tracks and looked stunned. Then suddenly his face changed and said, “Thank you, I’ve been such an ass”.

(For those that are interested, he then went on to deal with his problems and accept help from the people around him who cared for him).

So, try to find your eye on the storm when you have storming moments of your live.